I feel worried all of a sudden. For no reason. It came out of nowhere. Now my mind is thinking too hard; trying to give me an anxiety attack.

Where does this even come from?

I have no reason to feel this way, I should add. If anything, today I should feel proud of myself. I suppose I do. I really do. There’s just this gradual fanciful feeling creeping up on me that I can’t seem to control. A walk should help.

It’s bad weather here today, but not so terrible where you can visit people.

I felt like I missed out on some tiny things in the last day of the year, something that a lot of people have the opportunity to receive. Things like celebration of a dying year and a kiss to start a new one. I never had those opportunities before and now that I feel as though I could have, I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to but because someone else didn’t.

I convinced myself that it would be made up today. I feel like I’ve been replaced twice in two days because of deja-vu – visiting people, but me. The time is now before things get real crazy and yet, it just didn’t happen. The weather was the issue today – well, partly. The weather never seems to side with me. I’m in tears because I feel guilty for being so upset over something like this and yet I can’t help it. I don’t really want to get into specifics because I’m sure I’ll look back on this and laugh at the insignificance of it – but it’s important to me right now.

I should just sleep.

PS – I’m sure this makes absolutely no sense and it was a waste of time to write. I still feel the same and writing this hasn’t changed a thing.