Sometimes I get this intense feeling that stays with me for days on end. The feeling that I’m never enough and I can never measure up. I feel constantly betrayed while in this sensitive state and nothing can/does bring me out of it. It just passes on its own as though it was never there in the first place. I call it ‘the in-between’.
I’m in-between living and not living. I’m in-between reality and non-reality. Things for me in this particular state always seem stagnant, and yet everything continues on a timeless path. I feel caught between so many emotions and feelings – and yet I don’t experience none of them, only when the in-between passes do I feel the residual feelings. They never stay for very long, but it’s long enough to remind me what should be.
It’s rare that I experience the in-between. I write of this today because it happened this morning. The ever-varying, non-contentment thoughtless reality. Well, not so thoughtless now. I felt so silly all today because I know that I was acting strange and yet I couldn’t help it. I don’t know how to pass the feeling and I don’t know why or when it comes on. I only know afterwards.
It’s progress that I’m recognizing this, yeah? It’s a step in the right direction. A step towards knowing.